Cowboy Caleb the liberal arts, grown-up stuff & random mischief

My Current Guide To Having A Modestly Successful Life v1.3

This is version 1.3 of My Current Guide To Having A Modestly Successful Life

1. Write your goals down. Each goal has to have a deadline. Stick it up someplace where you will see it every day. Like that spot of ceiling directly above your head.
2. When faced with 2 life-altering decisions, always choose the one that seems more difficult.
3. Always dress the part. Invest in a good suits. Buy good shoes. Read f87king Esquire magazine if you haven’t a clue. Dress for what you want to become if you want to make it happen.
4. Learn to invest your own money. Never trust an insurance agent. Never trust a banker.
5. Never follow the wisdom of the crowds. When people are selling their property, you should be buying. When everybody starts to buy, you should be selling.
6. Real friends tell you things you don’t want to hear - the truth. Remember this before you slam the phone down in anger.
7. Read the newspapers. Everyday.
8. Learn to gamble a bit. Not only in the lottery. But also in your daily doings.
9. If your boss doesn’t like you, resign. Find a way to make him resign or get fired.
10. Integrity is great. But money is even better.
11. Study hard you fucking idiot.
12. Behave like a leader to those people you want to be in charge of one day. So that you will be.
13. Make your leaders behave like leaders when they expected to be. Everybody needs to be reminded. They will thank you for it.
14. If you have many enemies and are doing well, you’re probably on the right track.
15. If you have no enemies, and your life is stagnant – something must be wrong.
16. Stingy people should be avoided like the plague. Don’t be stingy.
17. If you’re a guy, do guy things (car worship, football watching, babe ogling). Don’t be gay.
18. Find a job that makes money. Money does buy happiness in the form of plasma televisions.
19. There’s no such thing as an unhappy doctor. Consider this a career option.
20. Laziness is like leprosy. Snap out of it.
21. If you go drinking with folk, make sure you pay slightly more than your fair share to be viewed as a good old boy.
22. Never get drunk if front of your superiors. EVAR. It just destroys all credibility because you’re not not very reliable
23. Buy an expensive and good cologne. Stay away from that Calvin Klein androgynous bullshit. <
24. Travel a lot. It opens up your mind and alters your perception of people and the world in general. You’ll be a lot more mature than your peers who haven’t been to India.
25. Speak at least 3 languages. Any three, just pick three.
26. Confident and Funny vs Rich and Boring. Confident and Funny will get you laid, but it’s Rich and Boring that gets to breed with supermodels.
27. Buy a good pen, and keep it on your person at all times (in your shirt pocket, in your coat, in your jeans). You never know when you’ll need to make an impression. I use a Mont Blanc.
28. Value quality experience over material possessions. Take great vacations, eat in fantastic restaurants and fuck jaw-dropping women. Stop buying shite you don’t need. To paraphrase Tyler Durdern “You are not your cafe latte”.
29. Buy the best car you can afford (installments + insurance + road tax + gas) because apart from a woman, this will be your biggest indulgence. Don’t settle for some crap car you will resent paying for each month. Make sure you enjoy driving the f87k out of your car every day. A well driven car is better than a blowjob.
30. It’s ok to envy and admire the dude with the Armani suit and the BMW convertible. He’s going to work for you one day, right?
31. Nobody gives a shite if you use a PC or a Mac. They only care about what you use it to produce.
32. Trim your pubes. Don’t shave them. Only gay men shave their pubes.
33. Try to have at least one gay friend. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn from them.
34. Two male guys should not be close friends if they share the same taste in women – it’s a recipe for disaster & tragedy
35. If you’re not sure where to invest your money, don’t!!!
36. Give money to charity. You’ll be surprised how good it will make you feel.
37. Invest in good shirts, especially if they’re white. The shirts you wear for important occasions like job interviews or meeting important folk should cost at least SGD100 per pop.

now that you are rich, you have forgotten about the poor..

great guide but not applicable to me…

does not look like “Modestly” to me :)

You sound like a single swinging man on a money chase.

don’t end up a sad lonely man ten years down the road…

“Travel a lot. It opens up your mind and alters your perception of people and the world in general. You’ll be a lot more mature than your peers who haven’t been to India.”

ah mad ke? lol

wah updated version

So who wants to volunteer to be his ‘gay’ friend… I hope you meant gay as in happy and care free!?!?!?!?

but calvin klein smells nice what.

Gay like you and Jaywalk rigghgghghghhtttt

If you’re a guy, do guy things (car worship, football watching, babe ogling). Don’t be gay.

LOL epic..

Buy an expensive and good cologne. Stay away from that Calvin Klein androgynous bullshit.

Then buy what?? (any suggestions?)

wah lao ppl are writing like u are le guide to style or something *cues doraemon music and dxdpp image* ahahahha

“Buy a good pen, and keep it on your person at all times (in your shirt pocket, in your coat, in your jeans).“

Yeah I totally agree with this tip. Once, I had to sign an $100 million deal while skydiving down the Grand Canyon. A cheap $2 wouldn’t do. Another time, this bum wanted an autograph in a bathroom in a Bombay, and I wanted to show him how good I had made it by using the Mont Blanc.