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Cowboy Caleb Burns His Balls
The Blackberry rang at 4.45am today. If you don’t already know, Blackberrys ship with highly irritating ringtones which can only be ignored by folk pursuing fishmongering as a career. It was the driver, who said he was waiting outside my house to bring me to the airport.
“I said FIVE BLOODY THIRTY AYE AHM”, I burst out before falling back into bed.
So at 5.30am, I emerged from my house and banged on the doors of the MPV that had came the pick me up (the driver decided to have a nap too). At around 6.30am, I arrived at Changi Airport and went to the lounge to have breakfast after checking in.
At 7.15am, I was still incredibly sleepy. Knowing that I would be in China for at least a week, I made my way to the Coffee Bean outlet to get a bag of beans roasted to bring with me. I choose a bag of Kenyan Beans and told the dude to grill it for me just right so I could imbibe with my French Press.
The kind folk at the Coffee Bean@Changi noticed that I looked like I had just got off the set of a zombie movie and gave me a free cup of their brew-of-the-day. This made me very happy.
And then I tripped on the ^%$@!& carpet, and spilled the contents of the extremely hot beverage onto my crotch.
“My dick, it’s on fire” my brain observed as if it were somehow detached from the event.
Somehow, I managed to change my pants (limping all the way) and board the plane. Once onboard, I drank a large amount of alcohol to forget about the pain.
I don’t think it’s strange, but I don’t really feel like having coffee right now.
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