Cowboy Caleb the liberal arts, grown-up stuff & random mischief

Father Of Mine

My father has been phoning a lot these days wanting to go out. Initially, I saw this as a nuisance. On Labour Day, he kept calling up wanting me to drive the family out to Ikea Tampines for a day out to which I reluctantly agreed because I’m still not a 100% recovered from throat infection.

Turns out later that the reason for this is that he has been unwell himself. My mom told me that he has been to the hospital everyday last week for check-ups because his blood pressure keeps yo-yo’ing from dangerous to normal. At this rate, he’ll soon be on medication for the rest of his life.

It hit me right in the gut – how come I didn’t notice the subtle changes in my dad.

His hair, once long and jet black has gone completely silver gray. Even his eyebrows and moustache are silver. When he eats, he sweats like crazy. His paunch is almost gone. And he wants to go out and spend time with the family, almost every day.

Later that evening, I went with him to the supermarket and bought a bunch of health food for him to eat instead of the usual crap he usually takes which increases his blood pressure.

I fear. I worry. Guilt. Despair.

Spend more time with him when you can. I delayed my trip when I saw my dad getting weaker. He passed away last month. I would be regretting the rest of my life if I had been overseas earlier. My dad had shown lots of sign, but the funniest of all, he sang to me and mom. I’ve never heard him sang his entire life.

Don’t feel fear, worry, guilt and despair.

Cherish the moments and you will live without having to feel all those negative emotions for the rest of your life.