Cowboy Caleb the liberal arts, grown-up stuff & random mischief

Broken

It’s starting again after the longest time. I am no longer able to look myself in the mirror in the morning. A wave of revulsion from fear & self-loathing washes over my clammy skin. I havent been sleeping or eating well.

I hate being an adult.

somedays I wake up… and the first thought I have is “What the fuck am I doing?” I feel like a kid in an adult world, trying to bluff my way through.
I go wash up, and see a face that I see every morning, only it’s foreign to me that day. I am filled with disgust and gag at the sink. What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?

then I wash up and get ready for work. Work sometimes is good, routine, stable, boring.

Dude… your life is much better than some screwup school dropouts on the street. Cherish what you have.