Cowboy Caleb the liberal arts, grown-up stuff & random mischief

Which Side Of The Coin?

To fill in the gaps, while growing up as a young boy, my family was always the poor relatives. We had the worst car, the smallest house and every once in awhile, we had to borrow money from our richer relatives. I used to look forward and dread the holiday seasons because we would have to go visit our relatives and see how they were living it up. For an example, my cousins always had better clothes, much more expensive Xmas presents and were always going on about how they had just gotten back from a holiday in some exotic location. After all the merry-making, we would have to return back to our little house and reality would sink its teeth into my minds about how little we really had in comparison.

Ok forward now to present day. My family is no longer piss poor. We’re not really rich, but we’ve managed to scrape our way from lower middleclass to middling middle class. We have no cash flow problems. In fact, our main problem is my younger brother who has always had everything handed to him on a platter, causing him to have work ethic issues.

My wife’s relatives from Kuala Lumpur have come to visit. Her aunt is a middle-aged dumpy looking woman with no opinions or even much activity going on in her head. She has 2 sons, both of whom are little monsters. They are unattractive, uncouth and I imagine them to have bad hygiene. Whenever they are around, we try to play it down… so that they don’t feel offended by our impressive consumer spending power. We bring them out to nice cafes but they don’t really like the food there. We also bring them shopping but they don’t really want to buy anything.

And suddenly it stuck me that I was becoming an evil ‘rich’ relative.

Of course she’s dumpy and has no opinions. With all the truckload of problems she has, she must be so beaten down and depressed that she’s just gone dumb. And her kids, of course they’re monsters. They can’t afford nice clothes, piano lessons or the company of other nice children with parents who can afford those things. And they don’t like going to cafes because they feel out of place there.

So I guess they must pretty much love to hate me. Because I try to be the nice condescending ‘rich’ relative. They must think I descend from my high throne to come down and show them what the good life is like before they go back their hovel again. How do their parents feel when I give presents to their kids, presents that they could never afford?

Is that why, I hated my relatives as a boy? Because I thought it wasn’t fair that they had so much more than we did?

This realization creates more questions, instead of answering anything.

Indeed… Well it’s a double edged sword. You be nice to them, they may label as condescending. You choose to leave them be, they resent you for excluding them.

Can’t win them all man. Let’s hope the 2 monsters grow up to eck out a decent living, as you did??

or u can choose to make carpet outta the kids. their bones can make really nice earrings if u like the dangly types.

Yo Buckaroo,

It is no good beating yourself up just because other people resent you, even if it is your relatives. You have worked very hard to get where you are so don’t be ashamed of your “impressive spending power.” The problem is theirs not yours.

It seems that jealousy runs very deep in your family.

Festive seasons’ always the time to shower your loved ones with indulgence. Never mind getting your relatives expensive gifts (if your pocket allows).

I tell you what makes an evil relative - being a miser on poorer relatives (when they know you can afford better) and splurging on richer relatives (because you need to suck up to them). I was the ‘poorer relative’ once too.

This realization tell us that you are rich now, you will be the richer Santa Caleb from this year. Not every people can affort luxury life, you are the lucky one.

Well, let’s hope the 2 monsters grow up to worked very hard to get a comfort living by themself. You may not believe it, but richer people are most from poorer side. Where richer family produce a problematic son who spend all his father money.

Comparison is inaccurate unless you’re saying your mom used to be dumb and dumpy, and that you used to be an uncouth, unattractive monster.

By the way, do you know your cousin is now a father? Quick go buy his daughter a Strawberry Shortcake doll.

From my own myopic perspective, it appears that the main problem with your relationship with your relatives isn’t the fact that you have more or less money than them. The fact is that you let money play such an important role in your relationship. Perhaps it was the same with your relatives, if they had just treated you as equals, as good friends, you probably wouldn’t have felt that they were so arrogant. If I was your poorer relative, I’d rather you not intentionally try to tone down the fact that you earn more than them, but rather just engage in activities and topics that don’t bring up money at all.

From obscurity u learn to be humble and appreciate the little things in life, hope my time comes soon.
Look at those rich brats out there who demand stuff on a platter and then compare.
Only one who has seen the worst would understand.
hehehe

I dun think I was ever a poor / rich relative because I always felt all our relatives are equally poor.But we have a bigger family, and we are not afraid to look poor. So it may seem we are doing slightly worst.

I was however strangely touched and affected (in an unknown way) by what caleb wrote. Maybe I did grow up as the poor relative, but only knew it sub consciously. That would explain why some of our relative treat us extra nicer. And all along I tot it was because we are very “guai” (obedient).