Cowboy Caleb the liberal arts, grown-up stuff & random mischief

Burning Out

I’m thinking of tendering my resignation.

I’m in Thailand right now, pulling off my own major coup on the behalf of my bosses. The team (and I) have been working insane hours. Apart from working my ass off, I also make sure the team eats regular meals, gets little treats like pizza, ice-cream etc and generally stay happy.

Any authority I have (none) comes from the fact that I’m from a regional office and the fact that everybody has so much hope and fear invested in me, thinking that I’m going to help them pull it off.

This burden called somebody else’s hope and fears, it’s so heavy.

My bosses are not much better, they look at my track record and expect me to pull off the impossible before they leave the office for the day. “Don’t tell me how you’re going to do it, just do it and by the way nice shirt” I get that kind talk but most of the stuff I escalate to them just seems to never go anywhere.

One day, hope and fears are going to turn into anger and disappointment. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job but it’s such a lonely job and nobody else seems to be walking beside me.

On Monday morning, I’m on the first flight to China. I’m wondering to myself, didn’t I just spend a week doing the impossible and now without taking a break, I’m off to the next atom bomb?

The quality of my life is shite. Total and absolute shite.

I need to stop and take a break.

Yep… Very very true…

You’re leaving Thailand? I thought Sondthi would have asked you to be the new Thai PM by now.

i tell you, ur staff who are under you, gonna be appreciative of your efforts.
I salute bosses who go all out to fight for their own staff. I spit on high level snobs.

Sorry to hear about your stress. Would like to offer a few of my thoughts for your own reflection…

1. perhaps you need to “manage” your bosses too (e.g. hey, I’m going to do this to sort out this problem. If you disagree or know a better way, please advise [before this time]. That way, their “silence or inaction” is empowerment or authorisation to you);

2. your decision to leave should be controlled by yourself, not pressed by others. How do you know that your next job will be better? I have changed many jobs and found that the same kind of ashats exist everywhere (just have different names and positions in the hierarchy).

Good luck and take care.

you need good breaks away from work which seems impossible the way you describe it.

ot: First time (re)visiting your blog after quite a length; Like your style & postings much more compared to what I (faintly) recall from long ago. Linking to your blog, if you dont mind

and back to regular news…

Hmm. I guess I can relate to the feeling of supporting or holding everyone/thing up. Doesnt work. Not for long anyway. At the very least you need a trusted 2nd imho who is capable enough to do all u can do when you take a breather. And a reasonable number of delegated ppl who can work without much supervision.

Remember the chart which says “How we should measure success”?

deep down inside, i think you know the right thing to do. life is short, and work life is shorter. take care.

Being the silver bullet / magic pony is very taxing
esp when you have to bear it alone.

no matter what bro, you’ve got us around! =)

stop for a moment and take a deep breath! =)

i dream about quitting my job everyday. every. day.

i totally know what you mean.

we all need to be thoureauvian in our pursuit of happiness, methinks.

Don’t work too hard.

Based on the posts I’ve read, I guess you are in the tech field, providing professional services/implementation/integration for clients.

It’s common to have deadlines that are not workable in this industry, even in the best of circumstances.

You need to evaluate your current station in life, how much you spend/earn/owe etc, and decide seriously what you want, especially in relation to your wife/family, since I believe all these incessant travelling does take a toll on that.

It’s your life. Good luck.

You need a hug.