Cowboy Caleb the liberal arts, grown-up stuff & random mischief

Marry A Poor Man And Suffer With Him

I am poor. Was born poor. Grew up poor. Unless I work hard, I’ll probably be poor for the rest of my natural life.

And now my gf is marrying a poor man (me). I just feel so sorry for her, because she has to suffer with me. The wedding banquet costs money. The bridal studio costs money. The renovations to our new apartment costs money. The new furniture costs money. I am seriously wondering how on earth to afford a decent honeymoon without becoming my banker’s best friend/slave.

In contrast, her best friend who happens to be filthy rich is getting married a month before us. Her best friend’s husband is some rich ABC dick from Canada who is building a smart bungalow for them to live in, drives a most excellent luxury car and they are leaving for their honeymoon the day after their wedding.

Sometimes I just can’t help but feel inadequate. It’s really downright depressing, ya’know. I feel so powerless and esmasculated. I won’t tell this shite to my guy friends because they’ll think I’m gay or they’ll say something like “maybe your gf’s best friend’s plane will crash on the way to their honeymoon destination”. And I sure as hell can’t tell my female friends because they never had to want for anything and therefore will lack any understanding of my situation.

So I tell my blog - because I have no mouth, and must scream.

Don’t feel bad, its the love you have for her that counts :-)

As long as she marries someone who truly love her, it does not really matter, because ultimately if both of you can be happy for life that’s all that matters.

Write as Robert Goh and you’ll earn a million bucks.

Maybe your wife will see you through your success. You may not be poor for the rest of your life. Won’t it be better if both of you go through the scrimping and the spending together? Her best friend doesn’t have a share in the process of her man’s success. Just the fruits of it.

wealth measured in terms of tangible, material stuff, is not true wealth.

but you already know that.

You wife to be has decided to marry you. She’s lucky you wanna provide a more comfortable for you both.
You’re lucky she is marrying you despite your (feelings of) lack in the material sense.

You are both so lucky already.

and rich in this sense, may i add.

Congratulations to your union! :)

First of all, congrats to the both of you. That pic looks lovely.

Sigh, that feeling must be horrid. But cheer up! Comparision always make oneself look small.

Look beyond the physical things. Be happy arite!

Material needs will never compare with your personal satifaction with yourself. As long as both are you are really happy, there’s nth really for you to be envious about by the richies marriage

I have this thought. It isn’t your fault if you are born poor. But if you die poor, it’s definitely your fault.

But being rich and being poor should not be meaured in monetary terms. That’s what poor sods like me always tell myself. I die happy but hungry. The other rich guy should die later cause he can pay his medical bills, good food, nutritious food, less money stress, probably happier cause really, have a va va voom car can do wonders to a man’s ego and willingness to smile and not so hungry - food need money to buy.

That shows you’re a good man, chum. Good men always feel that they need to provide more -even if- they are rich and successful.

Don’t know if you’ve watched “The Incredibles” but there’s one scene that has always stuck in my head. It’s the scene where Mr Incredible wants the rest of the family staying in the van while he takes on the giant robot.

When Elastic Woman confronts him, his heartful response “I can’t lose you again! I can’t. Not again. I’m not s-strong enough.”

Elastic Woman’s response

“If we work together, you won’t have to be.”

You don’t have to be rich. Just work at your marriage - everything else is gravy.

Your wife doesn’t need a big house or a big car or a thousand pieces of jewellery. She needs you. There’s no point trying to give her the rest of the world if she can’t have you along with it.

I know exactly how you feel. Just got married myself and paid for all of it by ourselves. Remember that Simply Red song, Money’s too tight to mention? Yeah, you know…

you said it, you live it:

“To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part.”

Don’t compare;there is always someone richer, better looking etc etc. There is really no end.
The bottomline is whether you have done your best to provide for ur family. If you have, your wife will know and appreciate it.

Sounds familiar. Don’t worry we are in the same boat… ok, same kind of boat and we are trying to keep the sea from flooding through the hole that was bitten off by the sharks as well. Thing is, we’ve haven’t even done a REAL wedding even. No gowns, no photos YET.

The hole’s gonna get bigger and more sea-water is going to rush in, but he cooked instant mee for me this morning, so I am happy :D

i think your wife rather you love her and care for her than to try to please her with honeymoon and all, AND end up owing huge loans to the bank. i don’t think she’ll like the idea of you being buried neck deep in debts because of her.

hey,she chose you, didn’t she? that counts.

Well it happens lah..
But hey, marrying for love is the most important thing. You can have tonnes of money but no love and you suffer for it.
I love my husband and even if he is not rich, I am happy working and being with him.
Being together is not about money.. its about being happy together…
You cant be rich forever, but you can choose to live happily together forever..

got new apartment already. it’s lovely and exciting to do it up.

the honeymoon can wait.

hmmm. being happy is more important than being rich.

would u rather be poor and happy or rich but unhappy?

im sure your wife is happy just being with you. and that is what makes you guys rich.

most women do not aspire to marry a rich husband. they just want someone who loves them and are able to provide for them on a daily basis.

i can imagine that’s a sucky feeling but that’s probably cuz so many things are happening at the same time - wedding, house etc. honeymoon’s not an important thing. really. you can just take a short trip somewhere first and plan for another one few years down the road.

know how you feel. sometimes the cost and burden of having a wedding is so great that i feel like just eloping with her or something. LOL
Dun worry about the Joneses of this world, at least you have each other, and it seems like you won’t be starved of love. =)

The simple answer: lottery tickets.

take comfort in the fact that she married u in spite of u being poor, not despite.

being in love with someone does not make us blind, it makes us take the plunge with eyes wide open. knnowing that she married u eventho u r poor is better than knowing that she married u for money and the “security” u can provide. being rich only secures a roof over the head and food on the table. love makes u stay.

and hey, u r dealing wiht a different set of currencies.

be happy abt that ALREADY.. and stop whinging, u ass!!

Hey, you are not alone. J sometimes feels the same way as you too, even though we’ve agreed and I’ve told him: please, spare me the ugly white dress/corny photos/tiring dinner/deliberate “honeymoon”.

Aiya, I pity you men. Society has this strange way of making these impossible demands on guys to provide all these expensive rituals. What’s more strange is that some of us women start believing that we should want/need men to provide these things.

The measure of a man is not what he consumes, but what he creates.

That’s what I think anyway.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s a struggle we all face, I think.

btw, lovely wedding shots.

Love transcends all things…even money!

Since you are the dispenser of wisdom so often, let me do it this time:

Live within your means.

Stop comparing with others (there is always someone richer, or poorer off than you, for that matter).

Count your blessings.

And quit whinging.

Sometimes I wonder where we all get the idea that a wedding and marriage is only proper if we do the large banquet, the best studio shoot, the big honeymoon, the house with full reno done,

It’s a myth, dude. Some kind of marketing lifestyle BS. Most people cannot afford to do all these things at the same time, it is too costly. In the end, we prioritise, we choose.

And that does not make us poor.

Poor is not having the money do ANY of the stuff you listed. Being able to do even three of the items on your list means you are no where near poor.

And don’t even think of borrowing to make the above happen. That is an even greater travesty than not having them all.

Sermon over.

And you know I say these things because I love you, mate.

don’t like that leh! as long as you’re working hard, i’m sure enough will get you by. no need to worry about big weddings or expensive honeymoons.

i never thought that suffering was defined by a lack of material possessions. as a woman i think suffering in a marriage is going through the stress of being tied to a man who will not hold it out for you no matter what happens, and even when you turn fat and flabby and wrinkled. money isn’t ever the issue.

after so many years, after going through so much, i think this is just the wedding jitters. so yeah.

at least u noe she marry u coz of true love :)

I’ve never left a note on someone’s blog before, but somehow felt compelled to do so.
Happiness is not measured by monetary / material items. I know it’s lip service, the whole fucking world would tell you that, who doesn’t know that oft repeated saying. But it is true. You are going to marry someone who loves you enough to make that scary commitment for a LIFETIME of companionship and togetherness. Shit, isn’t that enough cause to be happy? We all (myself included, of course, because I’m fucked up as well) forget to see what is right in front of us.
And what is in front of you is love, commitment, a brave new step forward, together, hand in hand. Screw the bungalow, screw the car, screw the Tahiti holiday. That inexplicable bond with your partner - that’s what counts.

I am very sorry to be a wet blanket here and take a contrarian view. My dad slogged all his life but was still poor. I don’t think all of us are counting finances as we shld, after the mortgage, the expenses, we really have very little left. At the end of the day, hopefully love will see u thru the finances which is a headache once children come in…we just all havent calculated how our finances work out - mortgage, CPF, etc..do it and see for yrself

mb said it like it is dude. Chinese have a saying, people comparing themselves with other people will lead one to die of exasperation.

Its ok to feel inadequate, if only to spur you to greater heights. Its not ok when you start losing what you already have in your attempt to keep up with the Lees, oops I mean Jones.

I think you shld look on the bright side and start wearing shades, coz its that bright. Plus you’ll look way cooler. ;)

sassyjan said… “at least u noe she marry u coz of true love :)”

so true.

mb’s sermon should be a separate article on its own. Sincere and practical. Lucky you got such good friends.

Congratulations on your wedding.

The fact that you’re feeling guilty on not being able to provide more to your wife means that you’ll probably work harder to provide more to your wife. Also it shows that you love your wife. Good for both of you.

Wouldn’t you say you’ve become as rich as you’ll ever be the moment your wife agreed to marry you? I know I am (I mean my wife and me of cos).

I’m a Singaporean living in Mexico and I can vouch that money doesn’t buy happiness. I’ve seen dirt poor Mexicans live happier than most Singaporeans. I myself have forsaken the material culture of Singapore and choose to live far away. My wife, a Mexican, works together with me in our business. It’s really hard to get ahead here but somehow we find happiness and satisfaction just doing it together. We both sacrificed a lot and our love held strong. If the relationship isn’t strong, any crisis, be it money related or not, will just make it fall apart.

well of coz yr wife married u for love. But if the kid comes along, then it aint fair no more. Coz if you cant provide for him, the talents he has which is gonna cost a bomb if it cant be obtained here, then it is gonna be a vicious cycle. Tat is truly unfair to your kids, i think. yr wife, well, she can tolerate it. But the kid didnt ask for it. Let us truly think thru first.

Trust me on this, even the Rich are a pretty depressed bunch, imagine that you have enough money to go on holiday around the World and have been almost everywhere with the exception of Iraq or Afghanistan, imagine that you have had all your dreams come true, imagine that you never have to work for the rest of your life, you can have all the women in the World that you want and you travel first class with a chafuer everywhere. It gets pretty depressing after a while.

Being poor will not stop you from being a success, I am sure in time you will achieve success. As to how I got my wealth, I am in the lucky sperm club, my grandfather build the business, my father became a billionaire, and I am just a multi-millionaire, it sucks to be poorer than your parents, trust me on that.

And yes, ladies if there are any out there I am married, I did not really have much of a life with the fact that with that kind of money you don’t really know who your true friends are and the other bad stuff is that you don’t know if your wife loves you or your money. We stay in a big house with maid and driver, and I get depressed most of the time, the challenge in life has gone I suppose if you can have everything and anything you ever wanted and you are waited on hand and foot.