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Cowboy Caleb recommends 
Guide To What You Should Not Be Doing With Your Life
From time to time, I get emails from younger readers on the 2nd most significant question in the universe - “What shall I do with my life” (the most significant being “Who left the toilet seat up?”) which comes in many variations such as “What course of study should I pursue”, “Should I quit my job” etc.
It is a great mystery why I should be an authority on what you should be doing with your life, because it seems to be like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing with my life and in retrospect, I seem to have been screwing it up from the day I learned to crawl.
What I do know and have learned from previous past experiences should be more useful then a verbatim “Go be a vet so you can stick your arm up a cow’s arse and be paid 500 bucks for it” because it serves as a guide what you should not do.
So here is Cowboy Caleb’s Guide To What You Should Not Be Doing With Your Life.
- Do Not Have a Jolly Good Time with your credit cards.
Credit cards are evil. They are not your friends. 1 mastercard and 1 visa is all you need. If possible, lower your credit limit to your current monthly salary instead of the current 2X. - Do Not Study That Which Your Mother Told You Not To
Instead listen to your mother. Your mother is always right. Why? Because 10 years from now when you’re a bitter and frustrated IT Consultant who could have been a doctor/lawyer/accountant, your mother will tell you “I TOLD YOU SO”. - Do Not Develop Addictions
The moment you start craving coffee, stop drinking it. When you feel listless because you didn’t get any whiskey tonight, stay away from the bottle. When your life starts revolving around some online computer game, uninstall it. Addictions are crutches. Only cripples need crutches. - Do Not Buy A Car Unless You Have A House
Instead of buying that sweet ride, why not use the deposit as a downpayment on a 4-bedroom flat or apartment instead? Property appreciates in (in most cases) value but a car will always be a losing deal. - Do Not Be An Emo Bitch/Bastard
You will think you’re the coolest shite since sliced bread but everybody will hate you and talk behind your back. When you have your final nervous breakdown, you will be all alone because people can only put up with emo nonsense for a finite period of time. If you think you may have emotional issues, seek professional help. - Do Not Be An Atheist
When all else fails, you can always turn to Da Man, who comes in flavours of catholicism, islam, buddhism and hinduism. Atheism is a lonely place to be in. - Do Not Stop Learning
Just because you’re no longer in school doesn’t mean you should stop learning. Read wikipedia. Visit the library. There is nothing worse then a boring person at lunch who doesn’t know anything about what’s going on in the world today and cannot hold a conversation about multiple topics. Grow as a person. - Do Not Be A Cuddle Bitch
He/She will never love you no matter how many cool things you do or buy for him/her. Stop it already. All your friends are torn between pitying you and loathing you for the cuddle bitch that you have become. - Do Not Use Negative Humour
Putting down your friends in public with phrases like “You’re so fat/thin/ugly/dumb” so that others can laugh is low. Yes, your friend has feelings. Don’t do it anymore. - Do Not Have Sex With Too Many People
You can have sex with some people, but too many people is just pointless not to mention dangerous. How do I define too many? If you’re having sex with a new partner for the first time and you don’t really feel like it - that’s when you know you’ve hit the threshold. - Do Not Be A Jerk/Asshat
Racism, Ageism, Sexism etc. All not cool ok? Indicates severe need for re-education. - Do Not Ignore A Good Friend’s Advice
A good friend will always tell you the truth and it hurts because it’s 100% true. Listen to your good friend. It may save your sorry ass.
Feel free to add your own “Do Not’s” in the comments.
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