Cowboy Caleb the liberal arts, grown-up stuff & random mischief

What I Want For Christmas by Cowboy Caleb aged 26 and 1/2

Dear Santa,

I have been a very good boy this year. I did not go whoring, murdering or commit acts of mayhem on a large scale. My parents have not been embaressed by me (apart from the incident where I got drunk at my cousin’s wedding banquet) and I have not harmed a single animal at all.

Here is a list of prezzies that you can bestow upon me. Mommy says you can shrink yourself to enter our house via the space between the foot of the door and the floor since we don’t have a fireplace. Please do not park your sleigh anywhere near my house though. Reindeer poo-poo stinks to the high heavens.

1. A discman that plays mp3 cd’s so that I can listen to music on the go.
2. A new job with career satisfaction and less stress.
3. Anwar Ibrahim to shut the fuck up.
4. A new (leather) belt that looks expensive - tan brown or jet black is fine.
5. The collected works of James Michner.
6. SD to regain his Mojo

How? If you don’t grant me at least 2 of the aforementioned, I will be forced to take the Polar Express and tear Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer a new asshole. That’s right, I will hurt your lurved ones instead.

on a large scale????? oh god!

I can give you no. 1 for $50.

how dare you threaten santa. he won’t like you anymore.

How bout 7. Don’t need to work anymore.

..and 8. Ability to spell “embarrassed” correctly.

I like the no. 8.

why u so violent 1?

Hey, you will not get anything from santa, since when that guy gave a penny worth of anything to you. Get real and find the 7 things yourself, thats life